Monday, February 9, 2009

Kraaaaaaang

I'm feeling foggy... no, that's not it. I'm feeling like my brain is encased in a Plexiglas sphere, but in the cool, brilliant supervillain way. More like it's not connected to the rest of my body. It doesn't hurt or ache or really even feel too unpleasant, but not having a brain makes me very stupid. I was teaching my improv group tonight, which went pretty poorly. They were good, but, man, trying to teach improv without a brain. It's tough.

Oh, so anyway, I'm gonna be a zombie now. Eating your brain won't make mine anymore functional, but it will make me feel better about my own condition.

My Zombie Hit List
Barack Obama - Chaaaaange
Super Mario - Draaaaaains
Michael Jordan - Haaaaaanes
The moon - Waaaaanes
Characters from the Rocky series - Jaaaames "Clubber" Laaaaang
Dracula - Faaaaangs
My sister, Jaime - Baaaaaanges
The circulatory system - Veeeeeeins
Mr. Ed and Seabiscuit - Maaaanes
The deer and the antelope - Raaaaaange
Anti-Flag singer/guitarist Justin Saaaaaane
Clouds - Raaaaaain

Daaaaaaang! I shouldn't have put Mario on this list - I promised this week that I wouldn't talk about video gaaaaaaames.
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6 comments:

  1. JakeFebruary 9, 2009 at 11:19 PM

    I feel like I've probably taken this far enough, but there are still plenty of zombie puns to be made. While I was writing this post, I spent 5-10 minutes braaaaainstorming, but I even in that short time, I came up with more than enough. With a list this long, it didn't seem necessary to use everythaaaaaang.


    Lanes
    Pains
    Danes
    Gains
    Trains
    Manes
    Veins
    Shames
    Cranes
    Tames
    Thames
    Games
    James
    Jane
    Fame
    Vane
    Sane
    Banges
    Fangs
    Hang
    Dang
    Clubber Lang
    Slain
    Dwayne
    Profane
    Propane
    LaGrange
    Refrain
    Rain
    Range

    That's far from every pun, of course. Anyone have any to add?

    If you think of one, leave a comment, and don't forget to write your naaaaaaaame. Otherwise you're totally laaaaame.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JakeFebruary 9, 2009 at 11:28 PM

    Two more things:

    1. I'm very much aware that Thames does not work in this case. I was going to make a joke about that, but that seemed like some complicated, meta-zombie business, so I went with accessible jokes about moon phases and unexceptional punk singers.

    2. Spellchecker has no problem with the word "gonna."

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2009 at 9:27 AM

    What are banges?

    (:

    ReplyDelete
  4. JakeFebruary 10, 2009 at 9:46 AM

    Banges
    Above your eyes, your hair hangs
    Blow my mind, your royal flyness
    I dig your banges

    Banges
    To drape across your forehead
    To swing concordant angles
    As you incline your head

    The Internet and the dictionary tell me that the preferred spelling is "bangs." I don't know where I got the notion that there's an "e" in there, but I searched Yahoo! and found plenty of references to "banges," so I'm keeping it.

    As for the explanation of the joke, my sister and fellow Shiny Buttoner has been blogging about her hair lately.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2009 at 1:06 PM

    Dude, your sister spells things for a living. Don't you think maybe SHE was the one asking?

    Also, on TV this lady just said "The Bible doesn't believe in cosigning."

    I love TV. I love anthropomorphizing holy books.

    ReplyDelete
  6. JakeFebruary 10, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    That's why I tell you people to leave naaaaaaames.

    ReplyDelete