Oh, no! It's the Grumpo!

That's it. I'm done. I've had enough. I hope Hollywood brings in enough scabs to put all the writers out of work, 'cause the union has gone too far.

The thing that really burns my toast* is that I supported them. I spent time explaining the reasons for the strike to my friends. I listened to folksy protest songs. I stopped watching TV.

And now...now, as negotiations were taking place, as settlements were being written, they did this...

The Writer's Guild of America gave the the award for best writing in animation to the "Kill Gil, Volumes I & II" episode of the Simpsons.

Don't get me wrong; I love the Simpsons. I think it's the best television series in history. Still they've done over 400 episodes, so you know they can't all be winners, and, in fact, some of them are simply bad. The show's been in a funk lately, but the 18th season really started to bring the quality back up. I didn't stop laughing during the entire first act of the episode where Homer joined the army, and the episode where anchorman Kent Brockman swears on the air could have easily been a part of the series' golden era.

Then there's "Kill Gil." It's probably one of the 10 worst. Episodes. Ever. IUT's so bad. It's...

Oh, wait, it looks like "Juno" got the award for best original screenplay. That movie rocked.

Okay, WGA, you're forgiven. For now.




* I was not aware, when writing this, that "burns my toast" was a real phrase, but it is. I tried to find something more original, but "grills my cheese" and "bakes my potato" are real cliches, as well.

For Your Consideration

I think yesterday's topic should serve as a nice segue into this:



This interview caused quite a stir in the video game world a few weeks ago, but I'm curious about the conclusions an unbiased party would draw from it. Please watch the clip and leave your thoughts in the comments section (and don't forget to sign your name!). I'll return to this topic some time next week.

The Union Forever

It looks like the end of the Writer's Strike is imminent! Woohoo!

Population: Growing!

Video game-to-movie conversions have a pretty terrible reputation. For example:

Resident Evil

The Game

• Special Agents investigating a series of grisly murders
• Spooky old mansion
  
• Zombies
• Guns

The Movie

• Zombies
• Guns
• No haunted house
• Nudity

Tomb Raider

The Game

• Stars beloved heroine Lara Croft
• Oh, does it really? I hadn't even noticed. I just play it for the thrill of, um, raiding tombs. Or something.
• Let's move on

The Movie

• Contains a shower scene featuring Angelina Jolie naked
  
• Let's move on

Mortal Kombat

The Game

• People beat each other up
• That's about it
• Oh, some of the "kombatants" have magic powers
• Plus, you can like, rip people's spines out and stuff

The Movie

• People beat each other up
• That's honestly about the only thing that happens in this movie
• There's one female character, and she crushes a man's head in her thighs
• I'm not kidding about the plot. Every time someone speaks, it's to say lines like, "Your soul is mine!"

Super Mario Bros.

The Game

• It's Super Mario Bros.
• You already know all about Super Mario Bros.
• If you haven't played this game, go buy it right now.
• Go. Now.

The Movie

• Features characters named Mario and Luigi
• Has nothing to do with the games, otherwise

Allow me to speed through a few more:

House of the Dead
- Guns
- Zombies

Alone in the Dark
- Guns
- Zombies

BloodRayne
- A half-naked vampire-woman kills a bunch of Nazis

Street Fighter
- A bunch of burly guys (and one woman) beat each other up

Dead or Alive
- A bunch of mostly-naked women beat each other up

Double Dragon
- Muscle-bound dudes beat guys up to save a girl
- Features a scene in which the girl force-feeds shrimp to a deformed man


...and that's why this movie stands out so much:

It's Animal Crossing: The Movie!

Of all the games that could be converted to movies, Animal Crossing never would have even entered my mind. Let's break the game down:

• Pay off debt for a house
• Plant trees
• Design clothes
• Yeah, you wear clothes
  
• Catch bugs
• Fish
• Stomp on roaches if you don't keep your house clean
• Catching fish and stomping roaches are the only forms of killing in the whole game
  
• Play video games
• Dig for fossils
  
• Pick up trash
• Pull weeds
• Decorate your house with objects like oil drums and snowmen-shaped refrigerators
• Talk to anthropomorphic animals
• Send mail to the anthropomorphic animals
• Send oil drums in the mail to anthropomorphic animals
• Retrieve oil drums that your animal friends have lent to their animal friends
• Listen to a dog sing and play acoustic guitar on Saturday nights
• This series is even weirder than I'm making it sound
• It's also way fun
• Among the best ever made

What's really strange about this movie is that it's one of the most faithful adaptations I've ever seen. What's stranger, still, is that it's entirely watchable. I think I'd even argue that it's good. That's right - I like a movie about a four-year-old girl who works for a talking raccoon.

I wasn't expecting much out of it. It didn't sound like it would make much of a movie, and anime isn't usually my style, and I certainly didn't think I would be able to sit through a full-length feature on YouTube. I thought I'd watch a minute or two just for the novelty of it, but I got hooked. Give it a chance if you have the time.



Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

I Didn't Title the Last Post, Either

Blogger completely thrashed the formatting of that last post, but I love how it looks now, so rather than correct it, I'll just re-type the part that was messed up.

"High Concept: A top-down, text-based puzzle-adventure game about fixing your mistakes throughout a theme park to save your job."

"You play a loosely-defined amusement park employee at risk of losing his job if he's unable to restore the park's haunted house in a night."

I'm finishing up the game script that I mentioned a few days ago. It's an interesting project because, even though I'm officially the game's "designer," it's totally a matter of game-design by committee. Everyone in my group has a different idea of what we should be doing, and, in trying to appease everyone, the "group" somehow decided that the game should be absolutely generic.

No, seriously.

Not exactly the sort of thing that interests me, but it's actually kind of fun to work under this
type of constraint. I'm not allowed to make the main character a character at all, which creates a different style of storytelling and dialogue than I'm used to. I'm trying to maintain a light, non-specific tone, like the sort of text you'd find in a Pokemon game. The Legend of Zelda series has also been a huge influence. My ComedySportz training is definitely coming in handy here, too. Shades of Cwazy Quest and countless pun games.

Here are a few quotes from our Game Design Document:

"High Concept: A top-down, text-based, puzzle-adventure game about fixing your mistakes throughout a theme park to save your job. "

"You play a loosely-defined amusement park employee at risk of losing his job if he is unable to restore the park's haunted house in a night. "

Would you like to know the name of the game? Would you really?

Are you sure?

You definitely want to know the name of our generic, theme park-based puzzle game?

Fine. Here it is:

Puzzle Park

We came up with all the puzzles and gameplay before deciding any specifics regarding the story. This was my idea, which you might find surprising. I really had to fight to make the game this way, rather than story first. I'm going to talk about storytelling in games once I have enough time to really give the subject the attention it deserves. It's one of my biggest interests.

I have about an hour and a half to finish the script, so I'll leave you with a few examples of what I'm writing:


----Kiddie Park---------------------------------------------------------------|
|Ohhhhh! You did it! Come to me, Mr. Bun-Bun! Snuggle, snuggle, snuggle!
|
| Press SPACE to continue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

----Haunted House-------------------------------------------------------------|
No! Not the ANIMATRONIC! What did they do to you, old buddy?

Press SPACE to continue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

----Kiddie Park---------------------------------------------------------------|

Right on, chicky baby! You got the TRACK!
Press SPACE to continue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

----Cartoon Land--------------------------------------------------------------|
Woo. That was some mighty fine electrician-ing. Thanks, a bunch. I owe ya,
pal. If there's anything I can do ya for, just say it.
Press SPACE to continue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

----Pirate World--------------------------------------------------------------|
Captaining a boat's no easy task when you're missing an eye. And a leg. And a
hand. The life of an amusement parrrrrrrk shop owner ain't an easy one, but
it's the life fer me! Press SPACE to continue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

Award winning material!

Thursday?

DigiPen moment:
I sat down in one of the computer labs last night. The guy next to me (someone I barely know) turned sharply toward me, raised his arms, and shouted, "Epic fail! Epic fail!"

Then he walked away.

A term I just learned:

Sturgeon's Law: "90% of everything is crud."

I was quite proud of myself when I came to this same conclusion years ago, but according to Wikipedia, Sturgeon made the proclamation 16 years prior to my birth. Good for him.

A conversation I had today:

[loud noise]

Jake: Was that a yawning train?

Nels: Sounded like it.

Jake: It did sound like it!