Prepare for Trouble

You may recall a post I wrote not long ago comparing DigiPen to Sakuracon. There's a video making the rounds at school now of one of the Game professors presenting a cosplay monologue at Sakuracon 2003. I could explain what cosplay is, but I really, really don't want to talk about this anymore.

This week is Awkward Week on JakeyPen.

Reminder: Friday is A.D.Day.

Shame

I... I did something today... something I'm not proud of.

I'm not quite sure how to put this. I guess I should just spit it out... ohhhhh, maybe I shouldn't be writing about this. No, I have to. It happened. I can't erase that. It was real and I'm going to write about it right now. It's the only way I'll be able to move on. I'm just... I'm so ashamed.

I... oh, I can barely type the words...

Today I... I went shoe shopping. On my own.

My shoes were worn out! They were full of holes! I put it off as long as I could; really, I did.

It gets worse. I went to Sears. Not Sears Hardware. Regular Sears. Clothing Sears.

As if that wasn't enough proof that I'm totally lame, I also missed Pillow Fight Club yesterday.

Find a Pillow Fight Club near you.

I will never forgive myself for this weekend.

Reminder: Friday is A.D.Day.

Chillin' Wit' Ma Snowmie

Doesn't the Weather Know What Time of Year It Is?

It hasn't snowed in, like, two or three months. Why did it snow today?

I did not make any snow angels or snowmen, but only because it melted as soon as it hit the ground. So, so weak.

I Have Better Things to Do Than Blogs

A while ago I talked about a game I've spent the year "designing," Puzzle Park. Making this game has been almost the entire focus of my Game class. I have another class in which programming a robotic car has been just about the only thing we've done. Two course devoted completely to one project each.

Puzzle Park and the robot car are both due tomorrow.

This is on top of several other major projects that are due very soon and the usual homework load. Please excuse me if my blogging is a little less thoughtful than usual.

Please accept this short article from Cockeyed.com in place of something brilliant from me.

Why Didn't You People Ever Tell Me About Red Pandas?

I want one. I want it now.



Seriously, my birfday is next week.

Your Face Is the Ugly

Good: Only four weeks if school left.

Bad: It seems like I have to turn in a major assignment every day. Four weeks of pure murder.

Good: My birfday is in one week

Bad: I'll be spending all day at school

Citizens Raging Against Phones

I am so sick of cellphones.

Happy Easter

My big plan for the day: homework. Woohoo!

Personally, I think last night was more of a holiday. The SciFi Channel debuted an original movie.

Rock Monster

It wasn't a rock - it was a rooooooock monsteeeeeer! Oh, man, this movie had everything. There was this one dude who had the back of of his head pinched off by the rock monster, and then he starts coughing up blood and you totally got to see his brain. Awesome! Or, like, this one crazy lady who with no military experience who kept blowing up the rock monster with rockets and tanks and whatever. Amazing! A new level of cinematic excellence.

Today, on the other hand, is weird. I was reading the paper when I stumbled across this:

It says:
need some wii time?
Sunday, March 30
1-4 P.M.
Visit select locations to play Wii
from Nintendo and register
for a chance to win a
$100 spa gift card.
Find out where you can plat
at Bestbuy.com/wiitime

Spas are being tied to video game promotions now? I don't understand this decade.

Punk's Not Dead

There's a video game called No More Heroes that I'd like to talk about, but I have other things to do at the moment, so it's being added to the "No, seriously, I will write about this stuff someday" list. Question: has anyone ever read a blog that wasn't filled with posts about how busy the author is or apologies about a lack of updates?

Anyway, I threw together a few pictures today that were very heavily inspired by No More Heroes. I didn't get exactly the effect I wanted, but for pictures made without time or effort, I think they're neat enough.

Making a Difference

I've been blogging for months now, but tonight is the first time it's really entered my mind that I have a public space in which I have the power to express anything at all. It's an exciting feeling, but it comes with responsibility. I write with the hope that someone out there is reading. It wouldn't be right squander the gift of an audience without occasionally speaking about the important matters that concern us all. Ladies and gentlemen, what I have to speak about tonight is not my usual light-hearted fare. It is a difficult subject, but it is one we must face. Those of you with small children may want to remove them from the room before I continue in the interest of protecting their innocence, but know that they cannot be protected from this forever. In fact, your kids may have already been exposed to this, society's greatest menace, the most harmful threat to all that we cherish.

I'm talking about Elmo.

I hate him.

I thought you should know.

He fills me with such rage I can't even stand the thought of placing his image on my site. Instead, please enjoy this clip from a time when Sesame Street was made by people who didn't want to punish their viewers.

Seriously, look how cool this show used to be.

Even Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, used to be cool. Kevin, what happened? You were Splinter. Splinter! How did you go from mutant ninja master to... that? I believed in you, man!

Work

I don't have a job, but I did have a group interview/orientation-thing, and now I really hope that I do get the job.

I Got a Question I Need To Ask Somebody

The Firefox Internet explorer has a very handy built-in search engine. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, here's a picture:


This gives you direct access to a number of search engines. In the above picture, it could be used in the same way you would search for something on Google. Generally, I keep mine set to Yahoo!, but it can also be linked to most large, search-able Websites, like Wikipedia or YouTube.

A neat feature was added a few months ago. As soon as you start typing into the search engine, it reads what you've written and guesses what you're writing based on the most popular searches. If you still don't get it, that's probably just because I'm not explaining it well. You might want to give up and wait for tomorrow's post.

Anyway, I wondered what the most popular questions would be. Based on the most common question words, here are Google/Firefox's question suggestions*:

who wants to be a millionaire

what car

wheres my refund

when is easter

why did i get married

"How" and and "Will" didn't return questions, so here were the top searches for these words...

how to tie a tie

williams sonoma

Runners-up:

who is a failure
who is the stig
what is love
what is my ip
what time is it
whats on tv
what is a lunar eclipse
when is mothers day
when will i die
how to kiss
how to get pregnant
how to lose weight
howrse
will smith

*In the interest of accuracy, all results are presented exactly as they appear on Google/Firefox. No capital letters have been added.

"Get paid to play videogames! It's how they sucker staff into working there every time."

I... I think I just got hired by Nintendo. I'm honestly not quite sure. I called a number to ask about a game-testing position and they told me to come in for orientation next week.

So I'm hired, right? Hooray?

You Have Died of Dysentery

This dude who worked on some of the old Oregon Trail games talked at my school today and I was hoping to blog about that, but he didn't really say anything that was very interesting and I have homework to do, so I'll leave you with the greatest advertisement in history.

And because I'm such a nice guy, here's another advertisement that has only the flimsiest connection to this subject:

Paper Is For Writing, the Cat's For the Rat, Cheese Is For Scratching

The number of YouTube videos that appear in this space in place of actual musings and anecdotes might be enough to convince you otherwise, but I really enjoy writing (unless the thing I'm writing is a six-page essay on Joan of Arc - hey, guess what my homework is tonight!). Most of all, I love to write dialogue, and if you want to write pure dialogue, there's no better medium for it than a script. There's also nothing worse. A script isn't like a book. In a book, the author writes something and the reader reads it. Maybe there's an editor who gets involved somewhere in the middle, but, overall, it's a fairly straightforward transaction. There's no real negotiation. With a script, other people are almost always involved in translating it into what the audience eventually experiences. Don't get me wrong - this is a good thing. Actors and directors can infuse a script with new life and perspective while still remaining true to the author's intent. Unfortunately, it goes beyond that. A script passes through so many hands that everyone from the producer to the boom operator may begin to feel some sense of entitlement. The author loses all authority.

I have a lot more to say, but I'm busy tonight. Let's add this to the rapidly growing stack of subjects I'll discuss further at a later date.

For now, this pretty much sums it up. It also features the best drawing I've ever seen of Eugene Ionesco.

Here's my Ionesco.

Rough DigiPen Statistics

Average number of 7-11 X-treme Gulps per room: 3
Average number of full-sized (2L) bottles of Mountain Dew or Pepsi per room: 1
Average number of Starbucks beverages on campus at any given time: 0

Picture not an accurate representation of a DigiPen X-treme Gulp mug.
DigiPen X-treme Gulp mugs are always faded from use.
Statistics on Big Gulp not available at this time.

It's a Jolly Wholiday

Well, today's the day - at long last, the world can rejoice. Horton Hears a Who is now playing, and I can't wait to not see it. It's not that I don't like bad movies - quite the opposite, in fact - but even I have limits.

Somehow, this turned into an e-conversation about the very lovely and talented

Here's an e-mail I sent Big Sister Jaime a few months ago after she moved into her house:

Nice place. I like it. I wasn't really sure what to say
in commemorating your departure from the complex
lifestyle, so I thought I'd steal something from
"In a People House," but apparently it's one of
Dr. Seuss' less beloved books. I couldn't find any
quotes, but Yahoo! did find this:


VH1.com : Movies : Dr. Seuss:
In a People House : Details
Get the details for Dr. Seuss:
In a People House, including
director, genre, runtime and
themes. ... | Help. HOME.
VIDEO. MUSIC. SHOWS. MOVIES. GAMES. NEWS ...
www.vh1.com/movies/movie/141919/details.jhtml - 95k - Cached


Could it be? Dreamworks is
currently tied up with
the production of Horton Hears
a Who starring Steve
Carell, but we all know the
massively success string
of star-studded Seuss-based hits
won't end there.
Unfortunately, this link is for
one of the many
poorly animated shorts, but it
raises questions.
What's Ron Howard done lately?
The DaVinci Code? I
suspect that the man is just
waiting for the chance
to redeem himself, and we all
know how that's done in
Hollywood. He's going to go back
to the sort of movie
that helped him earn the respect
of the movie industry,
and nothing screams quality quite
like his masterpiece,
The Grinch.

Summer, 2009: A Ron Howard Film

Steve Martin is
       In a People House

Somehow, this turned into an e-conversation about the
very lovely and talented Bunny Hoest...

Here's the thing, see. I think we ought to start a
Bunny Hoest-worship
society. Our symbol would be a bunny, of course,
but we'd also all have
giant dogs that we'd somehow have to fit in a tiny
cathedral, and
instead of a choir we'd have people reenacting
Lockhorns punch lines.
Also, I MUST find a collection of her comics for
the National Enquirer.
Oh,
and the government can't classify us as a cult.
Her work is used to
cheer our armed services abroad:
http://www.defenselink.mil/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=27676

Here's her bio from her syndicate:
                Bunny Hoest
Bunny
Hoest is one of the most widely read cartoonists today, reaching nearly
200 million diverse readers every week. She produces The Lockhorns, which King
Features Syndicate distributes to
500 newspapers worldwide; Laugh
Parade, featuring Howard Huge, for Parade magazine, which is seen by more than
80 million people every Sunday;
and the long-running Bumper Snickers for the National Enquirer, which has a
circulation of more than 7 million.  

Known as "The Cartoon Lady," the dynamic and versatile
talent has 25 best-selling anthologies and a host of exciting
new projects in the works, including a Lockhorns TV pilot
and a "Howard Huge" animated feature in development with
Merv Griffin Entertainment.

And the fans can't stop raving:

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! The Lockhorns have
added a ray of sunshine to my day."

- Lockhorns reader

"You make this world great ... You keep people laughing
even through the roughest times."

- Newspaper reader

"Huge success. Ever since its inception ... Laugh Parade...
has been one of this magazine's most popular weekly features."

- Parade magazine "A blockbuster lady, a blockbuster personality!
She's a lady who's aware of the trends, and she creates trends in
comic strips."

- Joe Franklin, The Joe Franklin Show



Jake wrote: Well, that's certainly enough to get
me ROTFLOLing, but you're missing the
point a bit by giving such a brief description.
Howard Huge is a perfect
arguement for the medium of comics. It's not
simply what has occurred, it's
the way it occurs. The caption is hilarious, yes,
but there's so much more.
It's about the way an artist, a true artist, not
some hack like Monet or Van
Gogh, can use visuals to express complex ideas,
to reach deep into our
collective heart and pull up wonderful emotions,
and remind us of what it is
to be human. Howard Huge takes a single panel
and turns it into a window
that shows us what is right in front of our eyes,
that we mere mortals are
too blind to see.



Jaime's response: It actually does say on the
Web site that they're in talks about a Lockhorns
movie. Please oh please oh please let it be true.

The Shame of a Man in Cuffs

I was drifting in and out of my Discrete Mathematics course today when I started thinking about Ritalin. I know plenty of people who take the stuff (or something like it), and I know that there's a reasonable chance that it could turn me from Goofus to Gallant, but personally, it freaks me the heck out. I'm aware of the power of drugs that deal with psychological conditions at a chemical level, but I choose to deal with my "quirks" on my own. I completely respect people who choose to get by with a little help, but every once in a while, someone's prescription will run out, or they'll be traveling and forget to pack their medicine, or just accidentally skip their dose for the day and I see a slightly different person emerge.

Does life feel different on Ritalin? Do Adderall users ever want to break free for a day? I can't say. I've never tried any of these drugs. Still, I wonder.

I'd like to propose a new holiday. Friday, April 4th will be the first annual "A.D.Day." I've done a significant amount of research on the subject and I speak from experience. (Well, a fair amount of experience. I read a few books. One book. I almost finished one book.) Here's what you do: on April 4th, don't take personality-altering medication. That's it. You won't get the day off from work or school, and you'll still get your mail. This is more of a "Personality Holiday."

You Can See Real Life in 3-D!

I keep forgetting to buy more contact solution, so I've been stuck wearing glasses, which does not make me very happy. If only there was some way to make my glasses more fun!

Rainbow Symphony Store presents Proview Professional Clip-On 3D-Glasses! Just like the professionals wear "to watch Spy Kids in 3D, The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3D, The Discovery Channel HD 3D, Shrek 3D DVD or the upcoming NBC 3D episode of the show “Medium” in 3D scheduled to air November 21, 2005..."

For the less discerning 3D-viewer, get free 3D-Glasses now!

Terror Alert Level: Orange

Don't let robots attack your computer!

I'm having a bit of a problem lately with 'bots that are leaving virus/spam links. I'm doing my best to delete them as soon as they show up, but be suspicious of link that are left by people you don't know (and please leave your name so I don't delete your comments). If anyone sees anything, please let me know.

The Flower is My Time

Dudes... I'm working on five group projects right now. Five! Insane!

Now THIS Would Make a Good Movie

For those of you who don't know what's happening, you'll get caught up with this:

Dadvertisement

I don't think I have.

Too Much Smash?

No such thing.

Smash Bros.

Brawl.

Is There Anything More Awkward Than Pop-Culture References in Family Circus Comics?

Not exactly pop-culture, but I couldn't find the Family Circus comics that reference Sponge Bob or Star Wars, so it will have to do.

There Are No Monks in My Band

Quote of the day:

"'Cyberspace can be very useful for monks,' Ladda said. 'But it's wrong to use it to pick up girls.'"

It reminds me of an ad I clicked a week or two ago:

You may need to click to enlarge this image. No, really, click it.

Wowee.

Thanks to a few connections I may be getting Super Smash Bros. Brawl tomorrow, and I am excited. It looks great all around - except for the voice-acting. For reasons I can't explain, video games never get voice-acting right. Brawl has been in development for close to two years and, as the successor to the GameCube's best selling game, most likely had an astronomical budget, yet we're still left with voices like this:



The funny thing is, these aren't especially bad for a video game. Would you like to hear the worst of the worst? I warn you, these aren't for the feint of heart. I'll give you a moment to remove your children from the room before I continue.

"No one can hire my feelings!" from Last Alert

"I'm hungry!" from Super Bust-A-Move 2

Hope I write before I get old from Disaster Report

"It's fashionate" from Firefighter F.D.18

"I like girls" from Castle Shikigami 2

"I will warm you up to your bones!" from Star Ocean: The Second Story

"As if a cat had just licked my heart" from Martian Gothic: Unification

And the worst of all...
Mega Man and Dr. Light talk about Dr. Wiley from Mega Man 8

You may argue that the problem has more to do with the writing, but I'll save that for another post.

All quotes from Audio Atrocities

You're Moving It! I'm Not Moving It!

Hasbro and Universal have released a joint statement announcing their new "six-year strategic partnership," which should bring "at least four" movies based on Hasbro properties to the big screen. The short list, apparently, includes Monopoly, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, Stretch Armstrong, and a new Clue.

Llamas

The first thing gamemakers always say when addressing those who want to enter the field is that making games is not the same as playing games, and while this is certainly true, the most enjoyable part of programming to me is getting stuck on some sort of problem and using logic to arrive at a solution. I find myself pulling on all of the thinking-skills I've acquired from a life filled with games. I'm working on a puzzle game right now, and I find that searching for a way to overcome development hurdles makes for more enjoyable puzzles than many of those seen in the game.

I believe very strongly in the value of a good education, but outside of a few great teachers, I think I've been failed by the school system. Something has to change. Many of the best gamemakers are quick to point out the educational worth of video games, but I wonder what potential lies in the form. I've developed more of the sort of deductive reasoning skills I need now through playing games than I have through thirteen years of formal schooling. Extra-curricular activities, like, theatre and ComedySportz have been very kind to me, as well. I'm not saying we need to replace textbooks with Gameboys, but there's certainly something to be said for the effect of fun on work on learning.

I have a lot of work to do tonight, so I'll return to these subjects with a bit more focus another time.

"[I've] always been somewhat disillusioned with the educational system. Some people have said it was originally based on the idea that we're training factory workers, so it was very important to teach them to do some repetitive task for eight hours a day. What's going to be really exciting is when this Nintendo generation gets a little bit older and starts becoming teachers in schools. I think that's going to make a bigger difference than any kind of educational reform ever will. In the future a lot more learning will happen in the home"

- Will Wright

Creator of SimCity, the Sims, and a bunch of other stuff with the word "Sim" in the title

Counting Down the Hours

Not long a go, I said that iSketch was one of the few games my roommates and I play together. The other is Super Smash Bros. Opinions about video games vary wildly at DigiPen, but I haven't met anyone yet who doesn't like Smash Bros. The anticipation for the series' new game has been unbelievable. We've been counting the days until the game's release for over a month now, and we're now at the one week point, but thanks to certain connections, we should have a copy of the game even sooner. In other news, I didn't know it was so close to midnight, so this post was written with appropriate haste.