Friday, March 21, 2008

Making a Difference

I've been blogging for months now, but tonight is the first time it's really entered my mind that I have a public space in which I have the power to express anything at all. It's an exciting feeling, but it comes with responsibility. I write with the hope that someone out there is reading. It wouldn't be right squander the gift of an audience without occasionally speaking about the important matters that concern us all. Ladies and gentlemen, what I have to speak about tonight is not my usual light-hearted fare. It is a difficult subject, but it is one we must face. Those of you with small children may want to remove them from the room before I continue in the interest of protecting their innocence, but know that they cannot be protected from this forever. In fact, your kids may have already been exposed to this, society's greatest menace, the most harmful threat to all that we cherish.

I'm talking about Elmo.

I hate him.

I thought you should know.

He fills me with such rage I can't even stand the thought of placing his image on my site. Instead, please enjoy this clip from a time when Sesame Street was made by people who didn't want to punish their viewers.

Seriously, look how cool this show used to be.

Even Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, used to be cool. Kevin, what happened? You were Splinter. Splinter! How did you go from mutant ninja master to... that? I believed in you, man!

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