Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Clickity-Clack, Down the Track!

Operator Standing-By: Hello, this is ****, how can I help you?
Jake: Um, hello, are you selling "Lots & Lots of TRAINS"?
OSB: Yes, we are.
Jake: Really? Like, that's a real thing?
OSB: That's right. What's your ZIP code?
Jake: Wait, you are selling it? It's not a joke?
OSB: Uh-huh. And your ZIP code...?
Jake: Oh, I don't want to buy it. I just wanted to know... It's really not a joke?
OSB: No, it's real.
Jake: Oh, um, wow. Uh. Wow, okay. Just making sure. Thank you. That's, uh...that's a great commercial.
OSB: Alright, thank you.

I don't ordinarily call numbers because television tells me I should. In fact, this was a first for me. Seriously, though - wow! I'm still not convinced this is real. Nobody makes something that goofy and ironic without serious effort. I had just turned the TV on as this commercial was starting. I was certain that it was some sort of comedy show until I saw that a legitimate-looking number was being displayed.

After hanging up, I found the "Lot and Lots of TRAINS" Website. A few gems:

Great for Train Themed Kid's Birthday Parties



lots of “gee whiz golly” trains...

A cinematic tour-de-force. A mix of minimalism and the overpowering grandeur of the train.

"You’ll see big trains, little trains, steam, diesel, freight and passenger trains, even trains from around the world! There’s old trains, new trains, fast trains, slow trains, city, country and mountain trains, even trains that blow through snow! Plus, garden trains, scenic trains, electric, monorail and long forgotten trains."

I can't believe it I didn't make this connection right away, but the reason I like this so much finally dawned on me.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Bedside Drama

There's been a bed outside of my apartment for two or three weeks.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Part of This Incomplete Breakfast

God bless America.

As requested by the li'l sis, here is one of the best things ever:

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Any Way You Schon It

There have been eighteen members in Journey, and guitarist Neal Schon is the only one who was a part of the original lineup thirty-five years ago and is still a member of the band today, aside from bassist Ross Valory, who left left the band for ten years before returning. Journey is one of the most successful bands of all time, having gone platinum or better with seven different albums and two greatest hits records, including "Escape", which went nine time platinum, and "Greatest Hits", which went fourteen times platinum. Neal Schon should be known around the world as a music legend, but I discovered something shocking tonight.

Neal Schon does not have a picture on Wikipedia.

Still, the Neal is the sky keeps on burnin', and Journey will come to you with open arms when the lights go down in your cit-ayiyay. That's right, the band is touring even now, and have you heard the new lead singer. This kid's unbelievable! Well, almost unbelievable. I don't think he would want your believin' to cease.

Here's him singing with Zoo, the band he was in before joining Journey:

And after:

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Clean is Better Than Dirty, and Dirty's Meaner Than Clean

"Nobody is moving out of here until we've cleaned every inch of this place." So spaketh me unto my roommates. And so was born Cleaning Day.

Highlights from the big event:
In order to ensure that roomies would be mentally prepared for our sanitary proceedings, I warned them about a week ago that we would have a Cleaning Day. When the big day finally came, I went to a store to pick up some cleaning supplies while waiting for everyone to wake up (some time in the mid-to-late-afternoon). I ran into a school friend and told him I was off to find a toilet brush. "Oh, yeah," he said. "I heard you were having a Cleaning Day."

"Whoa, look at this counter! See how it has sort of a marble pattern? I didn't know there were white flecks in there!"

Peter's contribution:
Attempts to sneak away and talk on the phone or surf the 'net: too many to count.

"Look at the oven! Look! Did you know it was supposed to be silver inside?"

We took a dinner break not too long before midnight (see yesterday's post if you care about the specific time (you don't)). During that time, we found that the Doom movie was on TV. As nerds, we had no choice but to watch it, which was unfortunate, because, wow, that was a horrendous movie. There wasn't even any room for ironic enjoyment. So sad. I think everyone would've given up on TV altogether if the Mortal Kombat movie hadn't been on immediately afterwards. Ordinarily I would've told everyone to finish the last bit of cleaning, but under those circumstance, that was no longer an option. Your soul is mine!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Cleaning Day!

It's the happiest day of the year!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Top 25 Quotes from Big Willie Style

And to all the critics, jealous people, and back-stabbers
And my so-called friends who been nothin' but actors
You're way outta character
But now who's da bomb
It's Will from west Phil'
Just slightly transformed
Ya'll Know

Player-haters been hatin' on my playin' fo' years
Now they seein' their worst fears as I bathe in cheers
Yes Yes Ya'll

Been around the world an' I-I-I
Ain't seen another this fly-y-y
Yes Yes Ya'll

The Fonz ain't seen my happy days
It's All Good

Look at the pictures in the frames, yo
Why you playin' games, yo?
I Loved You

But I will test that butt when you cut outta line
True dat
Ah, ah, ah, why you do dat?
Just the Two of Us

I'm goin' to Miami
(Welcome to Miami)

More karats than even Bugs could eat in a week
Chasing Forever

Rhyme spillah, real thrillah an' it's real clear
Ya'll talkin' east an' west
I'm talkin' hemispheres
My papa raised no fool
So many zeros on my check it's like, "Ooooooo"
It's All Good

So here's my own private nickname - "I'ma Call You"

About to have an Oscar standin' next to my Grammiessssss
Plural, mucho
Yes Yes Ya'll

Stepped away as Fresh Prince
Came back with my real name
A rose by any otha still beautifies the room
So don't get consumed wit' a brotha's nom de plume
It's symantics
Yes Yes Ya'll

Thought birds of a feather were s'posed to fly together
(That's what they say, that's what they say)
Guess that don't apply to birds of your kind
'Cause you only wanted what you wanted like a vulture, yea
Came to steal my heart and then leave me to die
I Loved You

While I'm on my cell wit' my broker gettin' stock tips
Find a magazine and I read the hottest gossip
Man, who'd'a thought my life would be such an interestin' topic
Well ya'll know how it is - wait, hold up, ya'll don't
Don't Say Nothin'

My life be so good, so good
Gah-jigga-jigga jigga-jigga good
Things come to those who wait
But too late, my life's to great to wait
I wanna celebrate good times, come on
Lovin', livin', livin', lovin' it's all good
I'm lovin', livin', it's all good
It's All Good

Excuse me, miss, can we chat for a second?
I'd ask how you doin' but you're fine, I reckon
Wait, do you have a man, 'cause I ain't in to home-wreckin'?
No? A'ight, cool, just checkin'

Met Ali, he told me I'm the greatest
Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

Monogamy is a monoga-must
Chasing Forever

Norf Pole got my butt cold
Sittin' on top o' the world
It's All Good

Don't be lookin' at my script
You can't play my part
See, I'm a rappa' dats a acto'
You act-rap wit no heart
Da way dat I compose dose flows like Mozart
It's somthin' like a symphony when I'm orchestratin' 'em
Ya'll Know

So cash in yo' dough an' flow to this fashion show
Pound fo' pound anywhere ya go
Yo, ain't no city in da world like dis
An' if ya ask how I know I gots ta plead da fif'

Go ahead, adjust the balance and the bass in your speakers
Make sure my voice soundin' crisp in you tweeters
I'm about to show you how a man like me works
My shorty sure to get ice, five karats and nothin' cheaper
Than four o' five chromed-out former two-seaters
Fifty-inch Sony to watch Siskel and Ebert
'Cause I'm about to get two thumbs up,
Ten toes, one knee, an' pro'lly a couple o' elbows
'Cause, yo, I'm da man an' the whole world knows
Don't Say Nothin'

It's a full-time job to be a good dad
You got so much more stuff than I had
I gotta study just to keep with the changin' times
A Hun'red-One Dalmatians on your CD-ROM
See me, I'm tryin' to pretend I know
On my PC where dat CD goes
But yo
Just the Two of Us

I know the deal
I talked to Mary Jane
And she said your ex-boyfriends, Mike and Ike, was both Lemonheads
I ain't tryin' to player-hate, girl
I know that you go with Bazooka Joe
Now you know he don't love you like dat
He tryin' to get a Reese's Pieces an' a Kit Kat
Really, hon, what he need is a Jawbreaker
'Cause I'm the one that'll love ya, baby, Now 'n' Later
Be my Peppermint Pattie with a hundred wishes
An' I'll be your Hershey daddy with a hundred Kisses
Get the twins M&Ms
They booked us out a flight today
Me an' you can Starburst to the Milkyway
I don't care what it costs, girl, a Hundred Grand
We can Snicker all night at my Jolly Ranch
Just me an' you or call your friends up, too
'Cause I can get my boys Babe Ruth an' Charleston Chew

ill-Way the an-ma on the ance-day oor-flay
Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Two Days of School Left

Too many days of school left.

Monday, April 21, 2008

One, Two, Skip a Few...

Congratulations, me! This is my 100th post on JakeyPen! Let's celebrate with a journey through the vaults to some of the greatest moments on the Web's greatest log.

Hrmmm... I wrote this thinking that I could go through my archives and find loads of sloppy, boring, terrible old YouTube videos and "I have too much homework to write anything intelligible" posts, but in reality, I'm making an amazing site. Great work, me! How encouraging to find out that my writing is even better than I ever could have imagined. Keep up the good work! And to those of you who aren't me, take a moment to reflect on just how lucky you are to have someone who selflessly expends time and energy each and every day, pouring his heart into writing brilliant content for you while asking for nothing in return. You lucky devils, you!

Are there any greatest moments you'd like to share? Leave your name, a link to the best post, and your reason for selecting it. Next week the JakeyPen staff (me) will pick the best entry. Enter today and be eligible to win valuable prizes!

JakeyPen: Making you do the blogging for me since I don't feel like doing it myself.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Hail to the Bus Driver, Bus Driver Man

"You look happy! Are you feelin' happy?"
"Hey, are you two going to the movies?"
"Are you a happy baby?"

This is but a small sample of the questions you might have been asked if you rode the 253 bus to Bellevue this afternoon. Bus riding in the Seattle area is generally a fairly quiet, mundane experience. You'll usually find someone reading a book or listening to an MP3 player or maybe softly talking into a cell phone. If there's anything I miss about Houston (there's not), it's buses full of psychos. Admittedly, I don't ride the buses that often here, but still... I've never been riding the bus here and suddenly had a loony crackhead start wailing on another passenger, then had the bus surrounded by cops who proceed to shock the wacko with a taser multiple times.

But I digress. This is about the nutty bus driver I had today.

"Hey, have you ever seen Bruce Almighty? That has to be one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, if not in awhile."

Then he started shouting Bruce Almighty quotes.

Friday, April 18, 2008

BAD News

Uh-oh... This is not good...

I have to wait four more months before I begin my first semester as a Bachelor of Arts in Design. I want to start right now!

Simply put, this major looks awesome. I'll have to submit an application to transfer, but I'm not too worried. As far as I know right now, there are only eleven current DigiPen students who want to transfer into the BA degree. The new majors (as a reminder, there will be a BA and a BS in Game Design next semester) have not been publicly announced yet, so I expect there will be plenty of Freshman applicants, but I was a little nervous about how much room there would be available, and now it seems that that shouldn't be much of a concern. Exciting!

The recommended class schedule I've seen looks great. It's funny - not much more than a week ago I was complaining about a course that the school didn't offer. I had planned to follow that post up with a look at a few more classes that I thought would be essential in any gamemaker's education, but now there's no need. Game History, Architechture, Psychology - they've created the major that I was imagining. Moreover, there are plenty of gaps left open for electives. I can take all the English classes I want! Woohoo!

Also great - I should be able to graduate at the same time as I would if I stayed in my current major. Yes!

So what should I learn with this major? The main focus is level design. This is fantastic. Getting a degree in world-building? Right-on! But that's not all! Other aspects of game-design will not be forgotten, of course, and I'll still be gaining plenty of art and programming experience. If I can't find work as a designer, I should be prepared to take on other game-industry titles, or work in movies, visual arts, or, I expect, toys. Are game levels not virtual playsets?

Finding work won't necessarily be easy, but apparently skilled designers have been in somewhat short supply lately. There will never be quite the same demand for designers as there will for programmers or artists, but, as I understand it, this will be the first respectable Game Design degree to be offered in the United States, and, if all goes well, I'll be in the second class of graduates. I'm told that many game studios have been requesting this major for years, and they'll almost certainly be keen on hiring students. The courses have been selected and designed with the help of a community of industry veterans.

Things are starting to fall into place.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Under Every Garment I Can See the World's Address

I think I'm pretty late to the party with this one, but I'm mighty impressed, so I'm going to talk about it anyway: Google Freakin' Maps.

Have you seen the Street View? Unbelievable, and more than a little surreal. My homeslice Phil sent me a link yesterday. I clicked on it, and suddenly I'm looking at my Texas house. I start clicking around, and, after a few minutes, I've taken a virtual drive to Phil's casa. Otherworldly.

I'm not going to show you where my Texas house is because my family lives there and I have imaginary stalkers. My Washington apartment isn't yet in the Google system, so you'll not get that either. As for my Michigan house, I have no qualms. Feel free to explore my old street.

View Larger Map

I'll probably be out all night finishing my stupid robot car, but stay tuned to JakeyPen for news about what may be my new major, coming very early tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Wow, That Was Quick

Dear Students and Faculty,

DigiPen Institute of Technology is pleased to announce two new degree programs beginning
this fall:
Bachelor of Science in Game Design
Bachelor of Arts in Game Design

Students who are interested in learning about the programs, admission requirements, and
transfer eligibility should attend an information session tomorrow, April 17th. We will
host one meeting at each campus:
1st meeting will be at 12:30 PM at the Art Campus in Gibran
2nd meeting will be at 5 PM at the Main Campus in Van Gogh

Cautious Optimism

The Design degree is real. I've been told that the school will officially announce it once all the details are settled, but this major is happening. That's a good step.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


I'm going to keep this very brief. I don't know whether it's true or not. Even if it is true, it still doesn't necessarily mean anything to me, and I don't want to get too excited about this if it's not. So I'm keeping this short, and tomorrow I'm going into school early to find out the truth.

DigiPen may be offering a Design major next semester.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

They Watched Their Rome Burn

I briefly returned to making No More Heroes-inspired pictures. I downloaded a few new photo-editing tools, so now I'm able to get the effect I wanted. Even so, I'm not quite satisfied with today's batch.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

I Was Going To Write About Yo! Noid!

Today was the sort of day when the only thing you want is a glass of lemonade, a big yard, and a Crocodile Mile.

I had some stuff I was going to say today, but my fingers would prefer the touch of a guitar or a video game controller to that of a keyboard at the moment. Hopefully they'll be a bit less stubborn tomorrow, 'cause I'm a little tired of blogging obligatory filler.

Speaking of games, I'll probably be playing Brawl tonight. If anyone who reads this would like to play, my Friend Code is 0731-4772-0207. Leave your own code in the comments.

Friday, April 11, 2008

So This is My Life...

float SweepCircleToLine(struct Vec2 *pCtr, float radius, struct Vec2 *pVel, struct Vec2 *pPnt, struct Vec2 *pDirection)
Vec2 normal;
normal.x = pDirection->y;
normal.y = -pDirection->x;

Vec2Normalize(&normal, &normal);

float dot = Vec2DotProduct(&normal, pPnt) - radius;

float time = 0.0f;
time = dot - Vec2DotProduct(&normal, pCtr);
time = time / Vec2DotProduct(&normal, pVel);

return time;

Thursday, April 10, 2008


If someone went to college to learn how to write, they would no doubt take classes in which they would read and study books. An art major would certainly take art appreciation courses. Anyone seeking a degree that would help them break into show business would be required to watch and discuss movies. So why isn't there a single class in my video game school in which video games are studied?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Blog Movie

The Super Hero Epic Date Scary Meet the Spartan Movie movies have been the butt of much ridicule lately, and I don't feel there's anything I can add that hasn't already been said about these easy targets.

I wonder, though... Twenty years from now when some kid with only a vague understanding of this decade's pop-culture is browsing through a video store (or Internet video site, or whatever we have at that point; I'm not even going to start on that subject), what will they think? I have class now, but leave your thoughts in the comments and I'll get back to you. Or you can tell me to shut up and write something interesting. There's only a week-and-a-half of school left (plus finals). I promise to write something decent then.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

You Can Find Me in Iraq, Pro'lly Fulla Crack

Electronic Gaming Monthly's brief synopsis of 50 Cent's upcoming video game, 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand:
"50 and his buddies fly to some vague Middle Eastern country to play a benefit concert, get stiffed for their payment (a diamond-encrusted skull, no less), and end up embroiled in a massive firefight with several waring factions over the aforementioned bling."

Fitty's last game, 50 Cent: Bulletproof, gained a bit of media attention after Mr Cent encouraged parents to buy the game for their children, calling it an educational tool which could be used to teach kids about life in the 'hood.* The original release of the game was banned in Australia and some elements had to be cut in order for the game to fit Australian standards.

* 50 actually made some fairly valid points, even if he was an idiot for trying to pass Bulletproof off as "educational."

Monday, April 7, 2008

Sometimes I Don't Get This Planet

Last week it was snow, this week it's bunnies and duckies.

Blogging about the weather is exciting.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Homer's Grunge Band is Da Bomb

The Simpsons is doing retro-flashback episodes set in the nineties now? I thought The Simpsons was the nineties.

In spite of countless obvious continuity errors, this is the best episode in a long, long while. Bonus: They played a clip of one of the best songs ever recorded.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Keep Sending Me Black Fireworks

It looks like I'm one of only eight remaining contestants in the Everybody Gets a Hamburger at the End blogging challenge. I have a question for challenger Phil, aka phool2056. Your brother isn't this dude, is he?

Also, if it's not too much trouble, maybe you can see if anyone from Of Montreal wants to hang out with me. I'm a pretty cool guy. I don't think there's anything that's even a little weird about a complete stranger asking someone on the Internet to ask their brother to ask his girlfriend's band to max and relax with him. Nope, not strange or awkward at all.

Friday, April 4, 2008


It seems like references to Atlantis are popping up in my life with more frequency than what I'd consider normal, but if a continent is going to follow me, I'm glad it's one associated with great music.

Thursday, April 3, 2008


I talk all the time about the amount of homework I have to do, but what does that actually mean? Here's a sample of tonight's work, as Awkward Week continues on JakeyPen.

Reminder: Tomorrow is A.D.Day.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Gina's Humps

Reminder: Friday is A.D.Day.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

There's an Otter on Your Back

Well, when I was nineteen I was insecure...
Well ain't that nineteen?
I was over-intellectual, that's for sure...

- Jonathan Richman

Nah, I'm just joshin'; I was perfect when I was nineteen. The point is, I'm now old enough to look back on my teenage years. Happy twentieth, me! So long, Baba O'Reily!

I wish it was a happy occasion, but my stupid family apparently decided to use the date of my birth as an excuse for punishment and torment. Look what they gave me:

You jerks! Do you not read this blog? Don't you know that I have enough to do as it is?
If anyone else has Smash Bruddas, my friend code is:


Do let's play together some time!