Monday, February 9, 2009

Kraaaaaaang

I'm feeling foggy... no, that's not it. I'm feeling like my brain is encased in a Plexiglas sphere, but in the cool, brilliant supervillain way. More like it's not connected to the rest of my body. It doesn't hurt or ache or really even feel too unpleasant, but not having a brain makes me very stupid. I was teaching my improv group tonight, which went pretty poorly. They were good, but, man, trying to teach improv without a brain. It's tough.

Oh, so anyway, I'm gonna be a zombie now. Eating your brain won't make mine anymore functional, but it will make me feel better about my own condition.

My Zombie Hit List
Barack Obama - Chaaaaange
Super Mario - Draaaaaains
Michael Jordan - Haaaaaanes
The moon - Waaaaanes
Characters from the Rocky series - Jaaaames "Clubber" Laaaaang
Dracula - Faaaaangs
My sister, Jaime - Baaaaaanges
The circulatory system - Veeeeeeins
Mr. Ed and Seabiscuit - Maaaanes
The deer and the antelope - Raaaaaange
Anti-Flag singer/guitarist Justin Saaaaaane
Clouds - Raaaaaain

Daaaaaaang! I shouldn't have put Mario on this list - I promised this week that I wouldn't talk about video gaaaaaaames.

6 comments:

Jake said...

I feel like I've probably taken this far enough, but there are still plenty of zombie puns to be made. While I was writing this post, I spent 5-10 minutes braaaaainstorming, but I even in that short time, I came up with more than enough. With a list this long, it didn't seem necessary to use everythaaaaaang.


Lanes
Pains
Danes
Gains
Trains
Manes
Veins
Shames
Cranes
Tames
Thames
Games
James
Jane
Fame
Vane
Sane
Banges
Fangs
Hang
Dang
Clubber Lang
Slain
Dwayne
Profane
Propane
LaGrange
Refrain
Rain
Range

That's far from every pun, of course. Anyone have any to add?

If you think of one, leave a comment, and don't forget to write your naaaaaaaame. Otherwise you're totally laaaaame.

Jake said...

Two more things:

1. I'm very much aware that Thames does not work in this case. I was going to make a joke about that, but that seemed like some complicated, meta-zombie business, so I went with accessible jokes about moon phases and unexceptional punk singers.

2. Spellchecker has no problem with the word "gonna."

Anonymous said...

What are banges?

(:

Jake said...

Banges
Above your eyes, your hair hangs
Blow my mind, your royal flyness
I dig your banges

Banges
To drape across your forehead
To swing concordant angles
As you incline your head

The Internet and the dictionary tell me that the preferred spelling is "bangs." I don't know where I got the notion that there's an "e" in there, but I searched Yahoo! and found plenty of references to "banges," so I'm keeping it.

As for the explanation of the joke, my sister and fellow Shiny Buttoner has been blogging about her hair lately.

Just call me "Banges" said...

Dude, your sister spells things for a living. Don't you think maybe SHE was the one asking?

Also, on TV this lady just said "The Bible doesn't believe in cosigning."

I love TV. I love anthropomorphizing holy books.

Jake said...

That's why I tell you people to leave naaaaaaames.