Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Birfday Jokes

Hey did you guys know it's my birfday? Yep, April Fool's Day - it's not a joke, but it is a funny day. I'm gonna celebrate by telling you guys some jokes. Who's ready to laugh?

Okay, so I got some CDs today. What's the deal with the packaging on these things, anyway? They sure are hard to open, aren't they?

That reminds me of airports. Airports sure are crazy, aren't they? What's up with that safety procedure. Boy, that thing sure is a trip! And once you get in the air, they give you strange food. Doesn't taste very good, does it? No, we don't like that airplane food, do we? Except for the peanuts! HA! Airplane peanuts! Funny stuff. And once you're done eating, sometimes you have to use airport bathrooms! Ha! Funny, funny stuff. Those airports are crazy!

And when yo get off an airplane, who do you see? People who are different than you! Some people look different than me or speak in a different way! You know? Ha! Do we anyone here who's a different race than me? Or even someone from a different region than me? Ha, ha! You're different than me. That's funny.

You know who's really different? Men and women! They're so different! Sometimes their differences cause them to approach situations in different ways. Sometimes men and women have disagreements! It's very funny when men and women disagree about things.

You know who else is very different? Jack Nicholson. Can you imagine Jack Nicholson meeting Christopher Walken? It might go a little something like this...

Christopher Walken: "Wow! You're Jack Nicholson!"
Jack Nicholson: [putting on sunglasses and arching his eyebrows] "You can't handle the truth!"
Bill Cosby: "Ya see, the thing about the pudding is it says the darndest things, ya see!"

Cats and dogs are also very different. Cats are so lazy. Dogs bark and poop. So different!

It's almost time for me to go, but before I do, I want you to know that I'm a real, serious person with a lot of important opinions, so I'm going to tell you some political jokes. Man, politicians sure are crazy, aren't they? You know what I mean? They are stupid.

Wow, thank you! You've been great! I'm Jake, the birfday comic. Be sure to check out my upcoming HBO special where I complain about my girlfriend for a while, then fill up the rest of the hour shouting swear words and making funny faces. Don't miss it! Goodnight, everybody!

* * *

The CDs were "The Reminder" by Feist and "Kissing Like It's Love" by The Voyces, and they are both incredible. I also got Wario Land: Shake It! for Wii, which I am loving so far, and a very nice sum of money. Throw in some cards and e-mails, and a bit of cake and Soy Dream later tonight (plus a bit of unseasonal snow), and you get a decent pile of birthday stuff. Probably best not to throw them in a pile, though. No one wants to get frosting on their Wario.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

what about the moving sidewalks at airports?

-sister jack