Friday, May 30, 2008

It's Business, It's Business Time

Now that my portfolio is out of the way my attention has turned to three new goals.

1. Find a job.
2. Find a new place to live.
3. Compulsively check my e-mail to see if I've been accepted into the design major.

Seriously, I freak out every time I go to the bathroom it guarantees I'll be away from my inbox for at least a minute. If I had a laptop, it would be in there with me. Moving on!

The job hunt... I suspect this is subconsciously why I started stalling on my portfolio so much after it began to look like Nintendo wouldn't be calling me back. I can think of nothing worse than looking for a job (though that's probably just because I've repressed all my memories of working at Target). I haven't seen many help-wanted signs around town, so I've turned to the Internet to aid my search. Added perk: I can keep checking my e-mail while I seek employment. This is exactly the sort of statement you should never make on a blog that's accessible to potential employers.

I hoped that in a techie part of the world like this I might still have a shot at getting a game-testing gig, but looking for that kind of work on the Internet is like taking unsolicited financial advice from African royalty.

It looks like it will be back to retail for me. If you haven't had the pleasure of seeking a retail job in the Internet age, let me break it down for you. Every major store uses the same electronic survey to determine one's hireability. As anyone who has ever asked for assistance while shopping knows, the process of hiring only the best candidates has been made flawless with this system.

Honestly, it's like playing Guess Who? with a drunken chimp.
What is your address?
Do you live in California?
Do you live in Maine?
Have you been charged with any crime in the past six months?
Do you live in Wyoming?
Have you been charged with a felony within the last year?
Do you live in one of the following states: California, Maine, or Wyoming?

I swear I'm not exaggerating. It would be almost forgivable if this was a paper form, but it's electronic and it loads a new page after every question. Still, it's not as bad as the 100 question personality test. You could get a better understanding of a person's character by grabbing a Cosmo and and asking Are You a Good Flirt? That's not a joke; this quiz really is more insightful.

Stealing things from work is wrong - agree or disagree?
I don't like to have close friends because they'll only hurt me - agree or disagree?
I get angry for no reason and swear at people - agree or disagree?
I enjoy taking orders - agree or disagree?

Thank you for spending the last forty-five minutes completing this application. Unfortunately, there are no jobs available at this time.

FROM : SAMSON AND SISTER
ABIDJAN, COTE D' IVOIRE.
WEST AFRICA.

MY DEAR,

MY NAME IS (SAMSON BOUESSO) NATIONALITY SIERRA LEONE. I AM A STUDENT,I LOST MY FATHER YEARS BACK HE DIED DRURING THE POLITICAL CRISIS IN MY COUNTRY.MY LATE FATHER WAS ONE OF THE DIRECTORS UNDER TIJAN KABBAH GOVERNMENT. MY MOTHER ALSO DIED AFFER FOUR YEARS LATTER. I HAVE ONE YOUNGER SISTER (PEACE BOUESSO) WE ARE LEAVING IN COTE D'IVOIRE SINCE PAST SIX MONTHS.

IT IS MY DESIRE TO WRITE YOU FROM MY HEART HOPING THAT YOU WILL NOT BETRAY US.MY FATHER DIVERTED SOME HUGE SOME OF MONEY WHICH HE DEPOSITED WITH ONE BANK HERE WHEN HE WAS ALIFE. IN FACT IN A BRIFE INTRODUTION ALL THE INFORMATION WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU WHEN I HEAR FROM YOU. THE MONEY IN QUESTION IS US($10,500,000) TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS )NOW WE ARE SEEKING FOR A TRUSTED PERSON WHO WILL RECEIVE THIS MONEY INTO HIS / HER ACCOUNT FOR ONWARD INVESTMENT.

HOWEVER, WHAT WE NEEDED FROM YOU IS YOUR GOOD ASSISTANCE IN HELPING US TRANSFERRING THE SAID SUM TO YOUR ACCOUNT SINCE WE ARE INEXPERENCED IN THE WORLD OF BUSINESS,THAT'S THE REASON WHY WE ARE ASKING FOR YOUR SUPPORT.ALL DOCUMENTS
CONCERNING THE DEPOSIT MAY BE GIVEN TO YOU FOR YOUR VERIFICATION.WE REALLY NEED TO MOVE THE FUND OUT OF THIS COUNTRY TO ABROAD.

I AND MY YUNGER SISTER(PEACE) HAVE DECIEDED TO GIVE YOU 15% OF THE TOTAL SUM FOR YOUR KIND ASSISTANCE. THE WORLD IS FULL OF BAD PEOPLE PLEASE CAN YOU PROVE YOUR GEUNUITY TO US FOR US TO HAVE YOU AS A PARTNER.SORRY I AM NOT SAYING YOU ARE BAD PERSON BUT CONSIDER THAT THIS IS MONEY AND HOW THE MONEY WAS GOTTEN. IT IS INHERITACE AND LAST HOPE.

SHOW YOUR INTEREST AND WE PROCEED ON THE NEXT STEP OF ACTION. AFRICA IS NO LONGER CONDUSIVE FOR US TO STAY. PLEASE REPLY US THROUGH THIS EMAIL ADDRESS(samson_bouesso001@yahoo.com
) SO THAT MY YUNGER SISTER PEACE CAN HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR MAILS
AS WELL.


OUR BEST REGARDS.
SAMSON AND SISTER.

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