Friday, June 6, 2008

Day Number One

I'd love to talk about my first day at Nintendo, but there's really nothing to report. Today was the usual new job business - signing stacks of forms, taking a drug test - no different than any other company. My real first day of work is Monday, but don't expect too much then, either. I'm sure there's a pile of Non-Disclosure Agreements waiting for me. At least I got to pee in a cup today.

Before the cup o' pee (this is the best pee in a cup ever!), I, of course, got to spend lots of time in a waiting room. After thumbing through a few worn-out magazines my gaze drifted toward a TV tuned to the Curious George show. Wow. Second funniest thing I've ever seen.

I didn't start watching until a few minutes into the show, so I missed a few plot points, but it seems some lady had asked to George to work at her candy shop while she went out to do other things. Let me remind you now that George is an ordinary monkey. He may be unusually curious, but he he's still a monkey in a human world. So some guy comes in and asks for mint candy. George doesn't know which candy is mint, so he picks up a piece, bites it in half, and shows the filling to guy. The guy looks at the monkey and tells him that it doesn't look like mint, so George bites another one. Again, it doesn't look like mint. At this point, the customer is yelling at George, and the poor monkey is trying his hardest, but the man finally gives up. "I don't have time for this! I'll come back later, and you better have the mint candy by then."

As soon as this guy leaves, a woman walks in and gives George this complicated order. She wants six pieces of pink candy and four divided into two boxes, or something, so George sticks a bunch of candy in a couple of boxes and hands it to her. Now this woman is yelling. Now an old dude walks in and asks for a single piece of candy, but the crazy woman is still yelling, so George begins rearranging the boxes, but the old dude wants another piece of candy, so George helps him, but the woman is yelling. The old man asks for another piece of candy and George accidentally gives him one of the pieces he had bitten earlier. The man takess at the monkey pox-ridden chocolate and says very seriously, "This is only half a piece of candy. I better only have to pay half price."

More people enter the store. George is overwhelmed, so he starts flinging handfuls of candy on the counter. A man begins to flail his hands like a fourteen year-old girl and screams: "Ooooo, free samples!" Everyone in the store, by the way, is an adult; out of the ten or so people who showed up while I was watching, there was one kid. George continues to throw everything within reach and make Frank Welker sounds.

At about this time, the store's owner returns and sees the bustling crowd. "Wow, George, you've brought in so many customers!" She helps with all the orders, and then takes inventory. "Oh, no, George. You gave away more than you sold. Now I can't afford any more ingredients. I'm out of business." Perhaps leaving a business in the hands of monkeys isn't the best way to go.

It reminded me of how glad I am that I won't be returning to retail work this summer.

And if you were curious, the number one funniest thing:

1 comment:

Sister cackling to herself in the corner said...

I am in a coffee shop reading your blog and CRACKING UP. Like, people are turning from their isolation behind caffeine and computers to stare at me because I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

This is one funny post, bro. (Or maybe it's just been a long day.)

Good luck on your first real day at work!