Thursday, March 5, 2009

Pancakes For One Are No Fun

I'm writing this because I need a reminder to myself. I need a document. I need to be able to reference this in moments of weakness or uncertainty.

Jake, you don't much like pancakes.

I know, I know, you think they sound good. They have the word cake in them, but you get to eat them for breakfast! They're a breakfast food, but you can choose to have them for dinner! You can put a smiley face on them!

Well, Jake, I'm afraid they won't put a smiley face on you. They'll only make you feel gross and regretful. It's true. Somewhere along the way, you were taken in by the lies of the pancake industry, but now you need to listen to me. They're no good.

They're not a meal, first of all, or even a part of this complete breakfast. Seriously, they're, like, a bunch of flour covered in syrup. What's good about that? Well, the syrup, obviously. I know what you're thinking - maybe I could still have them as a snack or dessert. That's crazy talk. The syrup... I grant you, that stuff is good. But the pancakes? Forget it. You don't need 'em. Not even with chocolate chips. Just find some other syrup-delivery system, or move on.


Mother of holy Pancakes said...

Come on there is something beyond all this flour .. milk if I remember correctly. Eggs? Oh right, that egg case wouldn't convince you. Mmmh but I couldn't imagine any better vehicle than pancakes to accompany syrup. And be sure, I've tested syrup, it sucks in cookie dough. And tea. And on my finger. What choice do you have?

Jake said...

I think my new syrupy food of choice shall be French toast. Are you really going to tell me that pancakes are better than French toast?

Anonymous said...

this has to do with everything:

sister jack

Anonymous said...

actually, i must admit, i love funny face pancakes, even the pancake part. maybe its 'cause the pancake flavor is being drowned by whipped cream, chocolate, and other yumminess.
sister jack

Likes waffles, too said...

Gingerbread pancakes and apple-cinnamon pancakes are my favorite pancakes. Plain ones are just no fun unless they're made by some kind of pancakey pro who charges too much for them.